I shouldn’t have to beg for affection.
I love you but I wish you were different.
You don’t show emotion like I need from a partner.
Do you know how exhausting it is to have enough love for the both of us?
I give you my everything, but have nothing left over for myself.
You never fill my cup but yours is overflowing- wincing as I watch you lick your greedy lips; drenched in the sweetness I poured into you.
The same sweetness I will NEVER taste in return.
I’m always left with the bitter taste of the rind as you squeeze out the last of me down your insatiable throat.
When is it my turn?
When will my fucking cup runneth over?
Why can no one give me the love I fucking deserve.
” You just have to learn to love yourself”
I’m tired of being the only fucking person who does.
Two years with you; I saw fatherhood glisten in your eyes. But those are the same eyes that give me a blank stare when I say “MORE”.
Give me just a fucking morsal of love and attention.
I am so famished and starved for affection that doesn’t follow up with your hand on the back of my head.
Why can’t you just love me like you mean it?
What if I gave it back to you?
What if I treated you the way you treat me?
You would instantly know something was wrong.
“She didn’t call me handsome today. She didn’t cover my face in kisses. Why didn’t she say anything about my haircut?”
You would lose your goddamn mind.
But I can’t.
And you know I can’t.
My heart is so full with this stupid fucking love that you don’t deserve. I wish I could turn it off.
Just so you could hurt like I hurt.
And it makes me fucking sick that I can’t stop loving you.
Even when we fight, I wipe my tears just enough to see if you read my text.
My breathing is labored and I’m screaming into my pillow just thinking about you thinking about ending things.
But when I push you away ; and you hold me closer.
I can breathe.
That small moment when you think I’m really leaving this time, you hold onto me and love me and kiss me and feed me until I’m full with promises and soft whispers from your lying lips.
Only then do I feel needed.
Only then do I feel like I don’t need to beg you to love me.